sammmmieeeee: when i dont feel like talking

2008-02-16T06:44:00.000-08:00

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore

2008-02-10T02:51:00.000-08:00

losing everyone i love and hold dear to my heart.
and it s all ME, my screwed up personality, my fiery temper, my impulsiveness, without consideration of consequences and feelings.

be afraid, be very afraid.

2008-02-06T04:45:00.000-08:00

MUSIC IS MY LIFE.
do something you re passionate about, and you ll do it well.

everyone s been asking me what im gonna do in the future, what i wanna be.
honestly, i dont know. cause i have many dreams! not just one, but manymany.

my dream is to make music that would change the world.
lyrics that heal, melodies that soothe the soul.
songs that bind people, regardless of the differences that exist.

my dream is to help the poor and needy in every way possible.
reach out to the people, children in the third world, far less fortunate than me.
feed them, clothe them, shelter them, hug them, tell them someone loves them.

hmm so i dont have manymany dreams haha. just two.
i guess i could be an artist who feeds the hungry.
a humanitarian who sings to the little ones.
music therapist to stricken countries.

daddy and mom are not rich. they dont have a salary. our family supported by the church and family friends.
yet, i feel blessed. i have more than enough. more than i could ever ask for.
i have everything i need.
and most of what i want.
(:

a cheer for the grumpy.
a hug for the mean.
food for the hungry.
a piggyback ride for the weak.

you never know when someone needs a smile. so smile always! ((:

2008-01-17T01:51:00.000-08:00

as i was walking home today, i saw a young boy with down-syndrome, prancing along the sidewalk, listening to his mp3 player
waving his arms in the air, shaking his hips, to the rhythm of the beat
and i thought to myself, wow.
what i would give to be free of worries, to not be self-conscious of society s judging eyes
everyone was staring, but he continued. unaware of the attention he was attracting.
i had the urge to join him haha
people often wonder why God s punishing them when their kids are born with down-syndrome, or are spastic
i wldnt say it s a punishment, sure these kids require more care than others
but in the end, it s these kids that teach you the innocence of life, the simplicity, that life never gets too complicated to handle
there s innocence in the way they speak, in the way they express themselves
these things we have forgotten
that one boy cheered me up today
for the first time that day,
i smiled.

(:

2008-01-16T04:12:00.000-08:00

emo no longer, i am now a new man! woman, new wo-man.
so much for all that bullcrap about camping out in the library, and "ooh, cant wait to get my hands on those readings"
i now dont really wanna study. boo.
must have been that dead-boring lecture today
hopefully german tomorrow will be better!
i know it s a little late since the new year s over already but heck

New Years Resolution - Be a better person, a better daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, human.

aint as easy as it sounds.
better start now.

2008-01-07T05:06:00.000-08:00

2007

an eventful year. so much has happened. on hindsight, i would not have said it was a happy year. i dont know.

2008

started off bad. bangkok did make up for it though. had fun hanging out with the girls and guys.

somehow everything seems so be slipping away from me, out of my control.
hoping this year would be better.

2007-11-23T07:13:00.000-08:00

first thanksgiving. and it turned out pretty well (:
second traditional thanksgiving dinner, complete with turkey, cranberry jelly, pumpkin pie, and minced meat pie (which had an interesting taste, pretty good)
third day into thanksgiving break. and it s black friday. means shoppingshopping and more shopping!

im thankful...
for the wonderful parents i have, and the sister and the brother, brats they may be (:
for the pollocks who invited me into their wonderful warm home for dinner, the rowdiest and coziest bunch by far (:
for my friends back home in singapore and here (: i ll miss ya'll but i wont forget you guys. ever. and im gonna say something cheesy like distance may separate us, but my heart will be with you always. hahaha. i mean it though ;)
for michael buble, his wonderful music and angelic voice
for daniel henney, providing me with satisfying eyecandy
for Jesus, loving and accepting me for who i am, flaws and all (: loveofmylife ((:

and for you.

2007-11-14T16:24:00.000-08:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|	20%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Intellectual	\|\|	10%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hedonism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|	16%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|	16%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|	16%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Indie	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	45%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were high which suggests you are overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

trait snapshot:
messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, unpredictable, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, craves attention, social chameleon, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, vain, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting

2007-11-08T16:48:00.000-08:00

i just wanna rant.

Another turning point;

a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;

directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test

and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

2007-07-16T09:18:00.000-07:00

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing what could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

how apt.

2007-07-15T04:26:00.002-07:00

us together at ad's 21st.cant get enough of my girls (:

2007-07-12T00:16:00.000-07:00

postdance gathering.yes yes, it s been a long while since the production ended.brings back fond memories though (:

phonics plus TUSH

2007-05-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

talented musicians should be given recognition.
PHONICS PLUS rocks! these guys are so talented, yet down-to-earth (: never have i seen such an extraordinary yet humble band before. role models, every single one of them (Dawa, Avi, Nanda, and Don).

at least now i know what i can and cant do.
it's just the beginning.

my life now

2007-05-08T04:48:00.000-07:00

received confirmation about attending william and mary (many many documents to prepare :/)
started working yesterday (and sleepy like hell, 6am is an unearthly hour)
argued with the love (and still not talking ): )

wish time could just stand still, at a moment when life is nothing but pure bliss and serene.

void

2007-04-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

feeling like there's a void in my life right now.I MISS DANCE! and all the girls.and guy ):
maybe some rest after all the hustle and bustle?nooo.
still packed with activities.and trying to worm my way out of some.

i love azalia (: even though she bites :/ she's so huggable.squishable.squeezable.adorable.hehe

big girls dont cry

2007-03-30T23:09:00.000-07:00

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, Myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But Ive got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry

piercing

2007-02-22T19:10:00.000-08:00

A piercing is for life.hehehe (:

21

2007-01-25T20:43:00.000-08:00

So i'm finally 21 huh.
Not like i really wanna watch r21 movies. It's really gore. All gore.

I have learnt not to care.

2006-11-20T03:39:00.000-08:00

Im in terrible need for some excitement in my life right now ):
And im craving for some sort of adventure, somthing to WOW me off my feet. At this stage in my life, even a traumatic, life-changing happening would do. See how desperate I am?

Suddenly im missing **********. Wont say what it is. Go figure it out yourself. Sigh.

2006-11-15T07:10:00.000-08:00

I never learn from my past mistakes.
I always push things too damn far.
I suck.

Shit happens.

2006-11-11T21:37:00.000-08:00

Im HAPPY (:
Shant take things too seriously.

Life;s too short to agonize and fret over what you can;t control. What comes, comes. &what goes, will go... If it comes round again, lucky you. If not, something will replace it. Something better (:

2006-11-05T03:51:00.000-08:00

Hmmm. Third blog for the month. More blogs this month than the total number of blogs in Year2005. I must have alot of free time on my hands. Well, should be studying now but heck. I;m not in the mood. Never was, never will be.

First time i;ve seen a ten year old kid and a three year old toddler drink. And i mean DRINK. Champagne and red wine, respectively. You should have seen their faces. Hahaha. Damn cute. Anyhow i, personally, think it;s a good idea to let your baby drink. He/she will be so put off by it, they;ll NEVER wanna drink ever again.

HappyThought No. 1: my closest friends will all be back for Christmas this year!
HappyThought No. 2: school officially ends, for me, in exactly thirty days!
HappyThought No. 3: i;ll get to see *him* tomorrow (:

Okayy. Enough blogging for now. And prolly for the rest of the month as well. Enough said.

happythoughts

2006-11-02T20:50:00.000-08:00

Sometimes trying too hard to be happy and stay happy, only makes you fall even deeper into the pits. When Happy Thoughts ain;t enough to keep you floating around up there in Cloud9. Oh well. Shitty, all shitty.

NEED some retail therapy. Quick. Have to curb my spending, but i have a dilemma: I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!! If only Adam&Eve didn;t eat that damn fruit. We wouldn;t have this nothing-to-wear trouble then. We could go around au naturel then, with no problems at all. But i guess we;ll prolly find new ways to dress something else; our head, or feet, or hands. Humans are vain, period. Then we;d have the same ol' problem all over again. Sigh.

Think HappyThoughts. Think HappyThoughts. I need a Peter Pan in my life.

me

2006-11-01T00:35:00.000-08:00

Dreary and drab weather to match my mood. Perfect. Just perfect :/ When i take the cobweb-collecting brolly out, no sign of rain. Not even the slightest hint of a dingy cloud floating nearby. Then when i stuff that brolly back into the darkest corner of my dresser, the clouds all seem to conspire and congregate, drenching me. Oh the wonders of life.

In about a month from now, i;ll be free as a bird. Or bluebird. Whatever makes you happy. Right now, work is piling up around my feet. Threatening to smother me. Right now, my brain;s filled with Einstein, Marx, Miller, Kurosawa, Weber, Yeats, Zelizer, Durkheim, Ozu and Rose. Samm;s best friends for the rest of my semester. Hanging out with these guys is gonna be a Blast. WoooHOO.

This Race ain;t easy, so pull yourself together and carry through.

dance with my father

2006-10-23T20:53:00.000-07:00

Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him,
I'd play a song that would never ever end
How I'd love love love, to dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my momma said
Later that night, when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could steal
One final glance
One final step
One final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
Cause I'd love love love to dance with my father again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I'd pray for her even more than me
I'd pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying to dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream

mos

2006-10-16T18:45:00.000-07:00

thanks to lora i got these great pictures (:
i have a cut&paste face :/ bleah.

heal the world

2006-10-12T20:38:00.000-07:00

this is really touching.

i know what i wanna do with my life now.i wanna make the world a better place.

easier said than done.but if everyone tries just a little harder, i believe it ll make a difference (:

happy (:

2006-10-08T04:48:00.000-07:00

realized my blog started off on a dismal note :/
so i made a few minor changes (:
im gloomy no more!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S always cheer me up (:
it s like my pill for happiness
never ceases to make me laugh.esp chandler s antics haha!
hmm so far i havnt found another sitcom that can measure up to F.R.I.E.N.D.S
been watching lots of mtv lately.all the wacky things people do :/
and they get paid to do these kooky stuff!
what a fabulous life.sigh.
oh well.
haha maybe i should make a nutty video of my own and sell it to mtv.
i wonder if they ll buy it.
that ll make me famous!
aint that everybody s dream...

lemme end off with this quote:
Life is something that everyone should try at least once.

gun run

2006-09-21T01:24:00.000-07:00

Gun Run

Shoot everything to survive.

Play this free game now!!

mercyme (:

2006-09-16T04:23:00.000-07:00

I LOVE MERCYME.

2006-09-08T23:31:00.000-07:00

i am samm
samm i am
i DO like greeen eggs &ham

('cept i wont eat 'em, prolly keep it or s'thg)

adapted from dr. seuss

testing12345

2006-09-08T23:10:00.000-07:00

testing.